Why did I even care?

So my previous blog talked about my separation situation. Before the separation, our relationship wasn't the greatest. At times it was okay, but many many times it wasn't. That's why I wonder to myself why I even cared that he left. I guess most of it was for Luke's sake or wondering how I would make it without him, seeing I've never been on my own. Erik used to drink all the time out with his buddies, and I used to swear I'd leave him. I never did though, I always stuck with him for some unknown reason. I think he had some kind of hold over me. He made me feel like I couldn't be without him and "needed" him. Even when he tells me he's coming home I didn't like to hear that but part of me wanted him back ... I guess like I said it's all for Luke. But I think some how he has messed with my mind and I am just now seeing thru that fog. He made me feel worhless without him and like I had to follow his every rule and put up with things he did to me.... anyway just kinda want to clear that up...